Top 10 Things to Do When Laid Off (Bay Area)

10. Call employed friends at work and tell them you're wearing "Hello Kitty" pajamas, drinking beer and watching "Oprah." Ask, "How's your day?"

9. Buy loads of beer with your first unemployment check.

8. Stay up until 4 a.m. playing "Spore" and listening to ABBA, wake up at noon and head out to the nearest public park. Lay around on grass with laptop beside you, to make people think you're a rich hipster.

7. Teach cat to walk on a leash.

6. Buy witch hazel for scratches.

5. Write a book. Or lie on the grass with the laptop beside you.

4. Give the gift of life at $100 a cup !

3. Give the gift of life at $8,000 per unpleasant gynecological procedure!

2. Sign up the person who terminated you for embarrassing magazines at the workplace, like American Cheerleader or Twist.

1. Go to a career one-stop, attend a class, and after every key point say in a foreign accent, "Then do I give the happy ending?"