Misery Loves Company (Aug. 25)

Hey, sorry, was on vacation until Saturday. Vacation when unemployed? Well, yes, especially when it was planned months before you were laid off!


Vudu Lays Off 15 Percent of Staff, May Retire Lame Name for Another Start-Up

TiVo tells them to "Suck it!"


DHL Closes Boise Call Center, 105 Workers Can No Longer Lose Track of Packages

"Oh, we will still manage to lose records," said Garn McGoogle, "but just at a much slower pace."


Media Amazed that Laid-Off Wall Streeters Bake Cupcakes, Cut Hair, Tend Bar

A 27-year-old vice president at Bear Stearns opens cupcake biz, another cuts hair in strip mall. I think that's called unemployment for most people.


Abbott Labs to Lay Off 1,000, Leaves Where a Mystery

Spokeswoman said cuts would happen globally (Alameda) but in some super-secret, top secret way.


Whitehall Jewelers Future Looks Cloudy, Mrs. Field's Cookies are Burnt

Mall jeweler, Whitehall Jewelers, will liquidate its 373 stores, leaving customers to buy precious jewels at Walmart or Target. Mrs. Field's files for bankruptcy, leaving customers to bake cookies at home. The humanity!

Misery Loves Company (Aug. 13)

Longoria Leaves IBM Micro, Goes Back to "Desperate Housewives"

Eva Longoria, who also has a doctorate in electrical engineering, leaves IBM to concentrate on "acting."

Lumber Co. Lays Off Last 12 Employees, Celebrate by Clear-Cutting National Monument

Stimson Lumber Company in Montana will cease operations, 25 years after being told the lumber industry wasn't sustainable.

Wachovia Lays Off 600, Will Only Make Loans for $5

"Sure it sounds stupid, but it's about volume," said CEO Bryce McBucks.

Spreckels Sugar Co. Laying Off 202, Nutrasweet does fist-pump of Victory

Spreckels Closes Mendota, Calif. plant leaving a town without refined, processed sweetness. Residents protest possible drop in rate of diabetes.

Misery Loves Company (Aug. 11)

Shutterfly closes Hayward facility, swats more than 100 jobs away

Shutterfly flew too close to the bugzapper of death, at least in Hayward, and is moving to Phoenix, where shutterflies apparently roam free.

Queen of the Valley in Napa Lays Off 81 of its Subjects

The hospital plans to cut costs by having patients act as their own nurse and do rotating bedpan cleaning and IV refreshing.

DMV to Eliminate Saturday Service, Gov. Nixes Plan to Find Eighth-Graders to Work for Doritos

"As it turned out, the ethanol boom has created very, very expensive corn snacks," the governor said. "Doritos, as it turns out, are more than we can afford. Instead, we will use generic 'flavored tortilla chips.'"

Office Depot Drops New Stores, No One Notices

Office Depot initially had 75 stores to open this year and has since lowered that number to 15, getting rid of 60 stores by painstakingly soaking them with 2 million bottles of its 99-cent multipurpose correction fluid.

Misery Loves Company, Aug. 6

Hawaiian Hotels Cut Staff, Sends Others to Exotic Vacations in Midwest

"It's ridiculous," said professional ukelele instructor, Pombo Ka'anali'i. "I usually only winter in Schenectedy and now I'm being forced to go there and deal with all that heat and sun."

Weyerhauser Chops 1,500 Jobs, People Confused it with Wienerschnitzel

The cuts in paper and container workers will help the company go back to their truly profitable center where there's tons of job security -- logging.

Hynix Semiconductor Lays Off 1,400 in Eugene, Ore., Workers Go Back to Being White Trash

"It was only a matter of time before I went back to selling meth," said engineer McGinty McCrank.

Misery Loves Company, Aug. 5

SF Chronicle to Lay Off 125, Stories to be Written by Ninth-Graders

When asked, publisher Frank Vega said, "Why ninth-graders? Because they work for Doritos!"

Hewlett-Packard Plan to Lay Off 300 in Pacific Northwest, Printer Test Pages Now Say, "%$#& you, HP!"

The printer giant hopes to outsource jobs to India. Translations for "%$#& you, HP!" made available.

MDRNA Lays Off 30 Percent, Including Company President Who Thought They Were Joking

"Good one, Jim!" Gordon Brandt said when told.

Indian Retailers Lay Off "Non-Performing" Senior Executives, U.S. Counterparts Look Up "Non-Performing"

"That's ludicrous!" said McGinty McCashcow, a $28-million-a-year CEO whose company has lost $200 million this year so far. "Executives are paid for their expertise, their golf game, their liquid lunches and private clubs. Using performance is completely arbitrary."

Help with Career ... from a comic book --- OK, *manga*, fanboy!

I guess I'm a lazy reader, but it took a comic book to make me read some career advice.

The Adventures of Johnny Bunko turned out to be worth the $6 and I'll probably give it to one of my laid-off colleagues after I read it one more time. It's really aimed at Gen Yers and a little light, but gets to the point.

Which is:

1. There is no plan.
2. Think strengths, not weaknesses.
3. It’s not about you.
4. Persistence trumps talent.
5. Make excellent mistakes.
6. Leave an imprint.

Everyday is a Saturday

Today is a Saturday for most people, a day of relaxation away from work. But since I'm away from work all the time, isn't every day a Saturday? I'm on a permanent weekend/vacation/holiday/bender.

I suppose I'm finally over the minute bitterness and bile that I had when looked at my unemployment check and realized, "I'll be making about $1,600 a month . . . for nothing."

I decided to have a party next week. Barbecue, some drinks, some music. Everyone needs a break. And I'm having it on a Saturday ... so normal people can enjoy my everyday life.

Sometimes a Picture Says It All, Man

Job Loss Rates Rise to 6 percent, Highest in Four Years

Job losses in July were the heaviest in industries hard hit by the housing, credit and financial debacles. Manufacturers cut 35,000 positions, construction
companies got rid of 22,000 and retailers shed 17,000 jobs. Temporary help firms — also viewed as a barometer of demand for future hiring — eliminated 29,000 jobs. Those losses swamped job gains elsewhere, including in the government, education and health care.

I mean, how bad does it have to be when temping agencies cut their employees?

Anyway, job seeking is a tiring activity, one filled with boredom and alternating despair. My therapist said I'm happy right now which I don't really see, but whatever. She gets paid until my employer-subsidized COBRA runs out.

I am much more well-rested, though.

(Photo of woman in Menlo Park at JobTrain by AP/Paul Sakuma)